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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 8:39 pm 
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Albertosaurus
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Just dug this up...started writing it years ago, didn't get very far but I'm thinking of picking it back up. The idea is that the story exists in line with the books, but uses some of the characters and events from the third film (and even some from the second film as well). So for now I'll just post a small portion of it, to see what you guys think:

Quote:
BARREN


Barren. Desolate. Depressing. All good words to describe the landscape of the Badlands, crispy and dust caked, from millennia of sun-beatings. It was sand and rocks everywhere, all across the ground, all rocks and nothing more. Repetitive rocks, and rocks, and more rocks, as far as the eye could see. The scenery was enough to drive a man crazy. And the heat! The sun blared down on the earthly residents, whether alone in the sky or surrounded by clouds. It was desert. It wasn’t a top-list vacation spot for ordinary travelers, and yet something about it still drew crowds of people.
Tents, tipi style, and a couple of camper trailers dotted the aberrant surface like remnants of a mission to a distant planet. People scrambled back and forth amidst the structures, wiping sweat from their brows and stumbling about, fumbling with shovels, picks, and large equipment. None of them seemed put of by the heat or the glaring sun as all of them shunned the cool shade of the tents. They were concentrated mostly near the open land, where the sun was the hottest and all they had for protection was a thin tarp propped up on poles. Around it on the ground were more similar tarps, cordoned off over small sections of soil. The heat was unimportant to them. They were all focused on the earth, or, more importantly, what was underneath it.
One man bent slowly bracing himself as he touched his knees slowly on the soil. Small clouds of dust flew up, but he casually blinked them away and continued bringing his eyes close to the ground, focusing on a small area that was no larger than three square inches. It was nothing special in aquick glance; nothing special without the a deeper understanding of the earth secretive ways. How it horded the relics of the past and hid them underneath dirt and stone, coveted them as buried treasures. The ground told stories, froze them in time, a natural photograph, a scrap book that held all it’s memories.
This man stared the ground down as if he had a long standing grudge, a vendetta he needed to settle. The ground had a lot to say, and he was going to get out of it what he wanted to know, one way or another.
“How far down is it, Billy?” The man on the ground asked, inhaling and exhaling slowly, patiently waiting for a response. From behind the crowd of gawkers, William Brennan, gazed intently at the 12-inch monitor of an old and worn computer, his gruff and dusty fingers working as if with minds of their own, tapping away at an equally old and worn keyboard. Minutes ago, the computer had started acting up, and Billy was hurriedly working at bringing it back up to par with the other crappy equipment at the dig site. The screen flickered, yet stayed black. Though Billy had come to notice there were levels of crappiness, crap was still crap.
“C’mon,” he coaxed it, tapping away at keys.
“Billy?” the man on the ground called over the crowd. Billy could hear a shuffle, the parting of the crowd as he was approached from behind.
“The computer out again? Let's just start digging, and leave the computers for the astronauts."
Billy chuckled to himself. That was Alan Grant for you. Normally a patient man, until technology reared its ugly head and took a snap at him.
“Almost got it Alan,” Billy replied, never losing his intense gaze on the screen. He could sense Grant peering over his shoulder, like a nosy teacher. From behind Billy, Grant reached out and took a swat at the monitor. It crackled with static, and two sharp white lines flowed down the screen from the top, and, with a sputter, it lit up.
“Good,” Grant said, turning away from his enemy of circuits, slowly shuffling back through the crowd (which hadn’t moved an inch) to his spot on the ground.
Behind him Billy called out, “You know, you shouldn’t hit sensitive machinery."
Grant turned and looked him square in the eye. He held the gaze, staring through Billy’s skull, reading his thoughts, toying with him.
“You can’t argue with results," he said, smiling.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 1:56 am 
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Gallimimus
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I liked it, very well written, much better than most fan-written stories.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 24, 2010 8:11 pm 
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T-Rex Killer
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Lovely set-up. Well written. It may just be my evolving sense of story-telling but to be honest, I feel it moves a bit *too* slowly. Details which distract from the bigger picture, and really from start to finish, there's not a whole lot going on, for all that is read. I suppose it could be a good opening chapter though. :)

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:43 am 
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Albertosaurus
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Yeah it would serve as opening chapter. I've already seen some stuff worth editing, but editing too much before you finish can be quite detrimental


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:57 am 
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-=TresCom Developer=-
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Sounds good, S.I., it's just too small a snippet of the story to elaborate further.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 1:33 am 
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Albertosaurus
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Fair enough Rebel. I have maybe 3 or 4 times more than this, but that would have been a mess to read on the forum


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