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PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 2:27 pm 
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Velociraptor
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Recently I've made my first short film (and yes, it is very short at just over 3 minutes :P). It's called Crops, and is about a boy kicking a ball into a field and loosing his way when finding it...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqPk5vFqjEE&feature=channel_page

Please, let me know what you think. I’d appreciate criticism as well. :)

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 7:24 pm 
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Albertosaurus
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:lol: I don't want to spoil anything, but the character you're playing is way too paranoid.

It was well made, one thing I didn't like was the overlapping music. Good job!

Why is it on OmniPictures instead of theguymjp?


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 11:51 pm 
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T-Rex Killer
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Hehehe, very nice short, Matt! :D

Nick3069 wrote:
It was well made, one thing I didn't like was the overlapping music.

I personally think that moment of overlapping music (where the single "danger" note goes over the happy theme) was actually very well done. 8) Pretty sure I've seen that device used in other pieces; it works well IMO.

Quote:
Why is it on OmniPictures instead of theguymjp?

Matt is trying to start his own film production 'company', basically. :) Obviously non-profit at this stage. One of the great things about youtube is you don't need money to let people everywhere watch your work..


Now for my critique! First thing I noticed was that the "danger" note started playing after the character had kicked the ball but before we saw that it was about to go into the cornfield. The actual distance between the two players was not really established (which you could choose to do), so the high kick didn't seem to be a problem when it happened, and the music was temporarily distracting (from wondering why it's there) until the corn field it falls into is shown. So I just think it would work better if it were delayed until at (or miliseconds before) the shot of the field starts.
Next thing I noticed was that sound which spooks the character out in the field. It doesn't seem quite right.. as if it shouldn't be so alarming, at least not in that way (as Nick mentioned a bit). It' not that the sound isn't spooky.. I think it's a combination of 1) the sound goes on for a moment before the character has much reaction 2) well.. I think the sound should reach some kind of "climax" (like, when you're hearing something spooky, and then it suddenly gets much louder or clearer, or some other aspect is added) just before you turn around and start running. There is some good variation in the sound but IMO it has not become so suddenly more dangerous-sounding just before he decides to bolt.

Those are my comments! Very nice - especially in HD. 8)

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 5:08 pm 
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Velociraptor
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Thank ye. :)

Draconisaurus wrote:
Quote:
Why is it on OmniPictures instead of theguymjp?

Matt is trying to start his own film production 'company', basically. :) Obviously non-profit at this stage. One of the great things about youtube is you don't need money to let people everywhere watch your work..


Yep, that's pretty much it! I have no plans of making profit any time soon, for now it's just youtube-learning-fun.



Thanks for your critique, both of you (esp. Drac :) ). Notes taken. :nerd:

And about him being a bit paranoid... there'd be no story otherwise! :wink:

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 1:37 am 
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Brachiosaurus
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I like short films and found yours rather entertaining. I like the part where the suspense was building after he tripped over the soccer ball, and then it turns out it's just the dog. Great job! :mrgreen:


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 11:25 pm 
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T-Rex Killer
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No prob. Matt. But there was something I was thinking while writing that critique that I forgot to mention! I mentioned no establishment for the visual distance between the two players, but additionally, I think the presence of the cornfield should have been established, also. But beyond that - if possible, you could have a spooky shot where the camera starts above the "roof" of the crop and anchors down slowly.. then maybe turning slowly in one direction (to the left I think, given the angles of the other shots) revealing the two players in one shot, also establishing their distance. 8)

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2009 7:07 am 
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Velociraptor
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We'd need a crane rig for that I think, the corn was quite tall. :yum: Also, the corn field wasn't next to the playing field at all! It was an entire field away - about half a mile.

Good idea though, it would’ve been quite a good shot if you had enough money and resources to do it. (Oh, one other thing, we didn’t set up a relation shot between the footie players because there would be no one left to operate the camera :P there were only two of us… though I guess I could’ve set up a tripod… meh, would’ve been a boring shot though, imo.)

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